Fatherly Fitness

Hi, I’m Tim.

I’m forty, married and I have two kids. I’ve thought a lot about the topic of what it means to be a role model, and especially what it means to be a fit father.

I’ve come across a lot of articles and blogs about fatherhood, but have never found one that really spoke to me. A lot get caught up in the points they’re trying to make and aren’t grounded in (my) reality of the role. I’ve started this blog as a way to share my journey as a dad, trying to figure out what fitness really means, because it means something different to me now.

My views have changed.

Before I had kids, I was always focused on getting stronger, being faster, and taking on bigger challenges to prove to myself I was fit. As I became a dad, and the older I get, I realize now that it’s about more than muscle. Where I used to measure how much I could bench-press, I now think about how much I can stay active with my kids, and be mentally present too.

That then leads me to think about what I bring to the table, metaphorically and literally. The truth is, a lot of the time this ends up with me feeling as though failing as a father, as a husband, as a friend. And that leads me to think that I’m somehow failing at life. As if it’s only win or lose, I get lost in a comparison battle of who am I and who I would like to be.

Uncertainty comes with the territory.

Because of that, lot of questions fill my head when I start to think about my role as a father. What does it means to be responsible for my kids? How do I be a “good” dad? You can change out “good” for loving, caring, kind, or patient. The list of words is pretty long and I’ve been challenged on all fronts. Did any of you think you were patient before kids? I sure did, and boy did I have some things to learn on the subject.

These questions often leave me with a feeling that I should be doing something about it, but a lot of the time I’m not sure what it is. When I search online, I hear a lot of different things, and they feel either unrealistic or completely performative.

The noise is loud.

I don’t think I’m alone on a hill to say that there are a lot of very loud voices, especially online and in the news, that will tell you it’s all your fault or that you’d be in a better position if you’d man up, do what you have to do and damn the consequences. It’s easy to believe I’m the problem, that I have to change, but when I think for more than a second, I wonder why it has to be a zero-sum game.

When I dig deeper into the lives of the noisy crowd, it all just seems so lonely. If you’re always on attack, how can you have time to achieve just rest and relax in your position. It feels like they’re one step away from reaching another level or fading away. So that’s not what I want either. I don’t want to be always trying to reach the next level, I want to be comfortable and happy where I am. So, where does that leave me now?

I choose to focus on something louder.

I recognize I won’t be able to tune everything out, but maybe I don’t have to? Have you ever had a rough day, and at the end of it, you get home and one of your kids come up to you and give you a big hug because that’s what they wanted to do in that second? It’s magical. I can’t describe to people without kids quite how great that makes me feel. It washes away a lot of the muck from the day. And that leads me to believe that positivity can drown out noise – and it’s not even close. If a small gesture can make me forget the trouble of my day, what could adding a bit more of it to my day achieve?

So, what I’m going to attempt to do in life and with Fatherly Fitness, is to focus on things that can actually build up and lead somewhere productive. I’m not going to shy away that life is going to suck some days, but I’d much rather be reminded of the fact that there are always better days and I think the key is to dwell on that. I’m going to be human, and let what I say come from there. I’m not going to be complacent, I’m actually going to care and be purposeful in what I choose to do and be in life. And that means one thing for me.

It’s time to give an F…

Tim